Sex in long-term relationships is often presented as a conflict between reluctant wives and their horny husbands. But looking at sex amongst lesbians in long-term relationships exposes a different story about female sexuality and libido. Historically, lesbians have been subjected to studies that seem to confirm our gendered understanding of sex between straight couples: That is, if women don’t really like sex as much as men, lesbians must have way less of it than straight couples or gay men.
Enter sociologist Pepper Schwartz. In her iconic 1983 book she introduced the term “Lesbian Bed Death” and suggested that lesbians have less sex than any other type of couple. Researchers were quick to criticize Schwartz’s small sample population and exclusive focus on penetration. As lesbian feminist scholar Marilyn Frye has pointed out, the low numbers Schwartz reported didn’t account for the various ways lesbians have sex and didn’t take into consideration the duration of time lesbians are intimate. But the study’s takeaway, which seems to confirm a gendered understanding of sex (men love it, women less so), has become something of an accepted eventuality in the lesbian community and has been repeatedly cited in writing on women and sex.
A Lesbian History of Britain : Love and Sex Between Women Since 1500
Studies of lesbian sexuality indicate lesbians in monogamous relationships are having good sex. Better sex, it seems, than heterosexual women in monogamous relationships. Sex lasts longer between women, women report more orgasms and there is more concomitant intimacy.
Dispelling myths about lesbian sex is crucial for promoting understanding and acceptance. Contrary to the misconception that lesbian sex isn’t “real” sex, it’s important to recognize that sexual intimacy between lesbians is as valid and fulfilling as any other form of sexual activity
