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Until I met the man I’m with now, I never imagined myself to be the sort of person who would watch a partner fuck someone else. But I have watched him fuck someone else, and I still love him, still respect him, and don’t hate myself or him for it. We still have an incredibly strong relationship.
Oh, you’re a swinger. No, I’m not a swinger. I have many friends who are swingers but I don’t identify as a swinger myself, and my partner tells me he isn’t a swinger either. When I met my partner, he was married to someone else. I actually started a relationship with her first, then him, and we were in a poly relationship for some years. During that time I watched him fuck her many times, and I watched him get fucked by and engage in sexual contact with another man, too.
So how did it feel? It’s complicated. No surprise there, I guess. I’ve spoken to swingers who are both soft swingers – who fuck other people only when their partner is present – and swingers who fuck other people without the need for their partner to be in the room. From what I have been told by swinger friends and from my own observations, it takes a strong relationship. That’s not to say non-swingers don’t have a strong relationship, just that if you’re interested in swinging it’s good to start from the base of a strong partnership founded on trust and absolute honesty, with consent being the foundation of every decision and action.
It’s that I’m not exactly mono in a bisexual way. I do fuck women –with his knowledge and consent, but not with him present. It’s not some kind of threesome fantasy fulfilment for him or I. It’s that I feel a sexual need (but not emotional one – right now in any case) to be with a woman occasionally and it’s something my male-identified partner can’t help with. I wouldn’t want him to be present though. It would feel like I was fucking another woman for his benefit somehow, that it was for him rather than for me. He doesn’t want to be present either; he understands that this is a need I have which is separate to him.
